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About Me

", I replied, sensing the amount of work she must have put into this.

She pulled my chair out holding it for me, sort of laughing, this was something I always did. She slid the chair under me and bounced off to the kitchen. She returned shortly, carrying a large white casserole with a top on it. She set it down and scurried off to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee.

"I had mom make your favorite.", she said, lifting the top off the casserole.

I knew instantly by the smell, it was homemade Bread Pudding, and it was my favorite dessert. She grabbed a bowl and spooned out a large serving for me, poured me a cup of coffee. She made some for herself and sat down next to me.

"This is a nice surprise Beth.", I said thanking her.

"Don’t thank me, you better call mom, she made it for you.", she replied.

"She knew it was for me ? She knew we were getting together for dinner ?", I asked

"Yea, she did, I told her.", she answered.

She went on to tell me that Mom had been worried about me lately. I had once again shut myself off from most of the world, staying home a lot, not going out. I have to admit, it was nice, the bread pudding was warm, the coffee was hot, but it was cold outside, really cold below forty degrees. And for New Orleans, that is cold. We finished eating, put the dishes in the sink and moved into the den. Beth had a fire going and that was the only light in the room. She sat next to me on the sofa, watching the flames jump off of the wood. I was think to myself, how did things get this crazy in one year’s time ?

"What are you thinking ?", Beth asked.

"Nothing.", I replied, "Things just don’t go like you think they should sometimes."

"You miss Jennifer ?", Beth asked.

"No, it’s not that.", I answered.

"Susan ?", Beth shot back.

"Yes, I still miss Susan sometimes. I think I always will.", I responded sadly.

"I miss her too Jeff." Beth replied, grabbing my hand in hers, "But she knows we still love her. She can see us, she is always with us."

"Oh God, I hope not Beth. I am not proud of my self lately. I feel I have really let her down."

"No, you haven’t let her down.", she scolded, "Never say that to me again."

We got quiet again as the only sound was the cracking of the wood in the fire. I glanced over at Beth, the fire was dancing in her eyes.

"Jeff, I want you to look at me.", Beth demanded.

I turned and looked at my wife’s sister. No matter how hard I tried to deny it, she was beautiful. She reminded me a lot of Susan in so many ways. Physically they were much different, but they had so many of the same character traits, the smile, the laugh, the great sense of humor. I guess that’s why it was so easy to love Beth.

"I Love You. Really Love You. I know I messed things up by being indecisive, but I had to be sure. I know I hurt you and I probably lost you for good, but I have to tell you this. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I am willing to go right now to my parents and tell them everything. Tell them I Love You and have for a long time now. If you get up and walk out, I understand, I will move on and I will try and make a life for myself. But I just had to tell you, its your choice. I Love you, I want you, I want to be with you, period. The choice is yours.", she boldly stated.

"Ok, I’m done.", she finished.

I just sat there stunned, looking into her eyes. Suddenly my mouth was as dry as the desert, my brain was not working. It seemed like an eternity passed.

"You heard me, I Love you.", she stated. "It’s simple. Do you love me at all ?"

Again I just sat there stunned, not knowing what to say. Finally I gathered some wits.

"Yes Beth, you know I still love you. But……. "

"No but’s. No regrets. I messed up bad once Jeff, and maybe I lost you, but I need to know.", she whispered.

"I turned my life upside down to make this possible. Not for you, for us. But you can walk away and nothing will change, I will still love you. You will always be family, I just want you to be more. I want to be loved, liked you loved my sister.", she stated.

We sat there, holding hands, looking into the fire for a long time. I had a million thoughts running through my mind. I had fallen in love with Beth, what seemed like a very long time ago. Was it still there ? Could we spend the rest of our lives together and be happy ? So many questions, not enough answers. Am I supposed to make a life changing decision in the wink of an eye ?

I looked at the clock, it was almost eleven, Christmas was almost gone. I did not know what I was feeling nor could I attempt to express myself.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I have your present here.", she said jumping up, running to the stock that was pinned to the mantle of the fire place.

She reached in and carefully pulled a long white envelop from the stocking, turned and walked towards me. She handed me the envelop and told me she would leave me alone for a while. I looked at the envelop which was sealed, nothing on the outside. Beth left the room, and closed the door behind her. I reached under the flap and tore open the envelop, pulling out a single legal sized white sheet of paper that was hand lettered. I opened it up and immediately recognized the hand writing, it was Susan’s. I looked up and Beth was gone, the door was closed. I lowered my eyes back to the letter and started reading.

My Dearest Jeff,

If you are reading this letter, I have left you alone in this world, and for that my darling, I will be eternally sorry. We have fought a long and courageous battle, but in the end it was not meant to be. Please know, my love, without you by my side, I could not have walked these last few miles. You were my rock, my strength, you never gave up hope, you never let me give up. I fell asleep every night holding your hand, I awoke every morning, you were still there. Now as I approach the end of my life, I have no regrets, for I had you, even if it was not as long as we both hoped for . You showed me what true love was, for I know I was your entire world, as you were mine. Perhaps a love as strong as ours cannot endure forever, it is too strong, perhaps it burns itself out. But, if I would have a choice of a short life with you or grow to be a very old woman never knowing you, I would choose the fleeting moments we shared all over again.

I know I will close my eyes soon for the final time, my pain will be forever washed away. Please do not wrap yourself in grief and try to understand what has happened. I want you to, one day in the future, again have a happy life. Please do not let my death, be your own.

Please tell my parents, I love them and for what they have given me, I am so grateful. My mom is strong, but my Dad will take this very hard. Please tell him, he was the only other man in my life that I ever loved. You both made me the woman I am, and I love you both with all of my heart.

I am sorry but I do not have the strength to go on writing, I am so tired. I want to leave you with one last thought my love. For the rest of your life, when you are sad, lonely, hurting, or troubled, close your eyes and feel my loving arms wrapped around you. I will hold you close to me for all of eternity, even in death I will not forget you.

All My Love


By the time I finished reading the letter, tears were streaming down my cheeks. I pressed the letter to my chest and wrapped my arms around it. I bent over, closed my eyes and cried like an infant. I’m not sure how much time passed until I felt Beth’s hand stroking my hair. I looked up at her, wiping my eyes.

"I’m sorry, I must look like a fool.", I said apologizing.

"No Jeff, you don’t. You’re the most thoughtful, caring man I know. Never be sorry for that.", she replied.

"When did you get this letter ?", I asked Beth. "How ?"

Beth went on to explain that in Susan’s last days, she had called her over to her bedside and handed it to her. Apparently Susan had asked me to go and ask the nurse for some pain medication so she could pass it without my knowledge. Susan had made Beth promise to wait and give me the letter when she felt I needed it most.

"After all that has happened this past year, I just thought now was the right time.", Beth said.

"It was the best Christmas present I have ever gotten. Thank you Beth."

Chapter 24

I stood up and pulled Beth close to me, holding her for a long time. As I released her, I kissed her and once again thanked her for a wonderful Christmas. I decided to walk home since it was only around the corner. I needed the cold air to clear my head. It was a very cold, clear night. As I walked home, I looked up at the stars and could not help but think of Susan. I smiled as my hand was holding the letter in my coat pocket, somehow I felt Susan was walking with me. I got home a few minutes later, locked up and got comfortable in my chair. I glanced and saw the message light blinking on the phone, I reached over and pressed the message key.

"Hey Jeff, this is Jen, just uh….wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. I know it’s not how either of us imagined it would be. I hope your ok, talk to you soon."

One thing she was definitely right about, this is not how I pictured myself spending Christmas Day, alone. But somehow, I knew I wasn’t alone, Susan was here, if even for only for tonight. I must have fallen asleep in my chair, when I next looked at the clock it was four in the morning. I got up, went to the bedroom and climbed into bed, falling to sleep immediately.

I woke the next morning around nine, it was extremely cold in the house. I walked down the hall and glanced at the thermostat, it was off. The temperature read fifty degrees, no wonder, it was cold in here. I flipped the switch to heat, continued into the kitchen, starting a pot of coffee. The house warmed up quickly, soon the coffee was finished. I drank a few cups while I read the morning paper. I spent the rest of the day cleaning house, washing clothes, getting ready to go back to work the following day.

The following week flew by and New Year’s Eve was approaching again. It seems as you get older, the years pass by so quickly. I made an early New Year’s resolution to get back into the gym full time, I had gotten soft. I had stayed in good shape my entire life. Having played college football for a major SEC school, I was always a fairly large man. My weight had always stayed between 230-240 pounds, but I had held my thirty two waist. Now my pants were a big snug and I knew it was time to get back into a routine.

The following Monday, I started back at the gym full time and it felt good to be exercising again. After a few days, I was back into a full time routine. I received several calls about New Year’s celebrations but I had decided to spend a quiet evening at home. I just wasn’t up to being around a bunch of people drinking and cutting up.

It was Friday, New Year’s Eve was tomorrow , we were wrapping up work until the second of January. I was the last to leave at around six that evening. I stopped at the grocery on the way home, picked up a few things, headed home. I put away the groceries, took a long hot shower and settled in to relax. Around eight that night, I got a call from Jennifer wishing me a Happy New Year. I responded in kind to her, we chatted a bit, then said goodnight. I found it strange that she kept calling me, wondering if Tiffany knew about it. I had made no real attempt to stay in touch with Jen, respecting her decision, not wanting to cause problems between her and Tiffany.

I went to bed that night but couldn’t sleep, tossing and turning. I thought about everything that had happened over the past year, how everything had gotten so confusing. How I had misread Jennifer, the relationship ending how it had. Then Beth coming back and ending her marriage, telling me that she loved me and the decision would be mine if we were to be together. I thought about Beth for the rest of the night and what I really wanted to do with my life. What exactly was it about Beth that made me feel this way ? Yes, she was incredibly attractive, extremely fit and knew how to make a man feel like a man. Or was it that I saw so much of Susan in her ? The smile, the laugh, the look in her eyes , I just was not sure. I’m not sure what time I actually fell asleep, I know it took a long time. Sometime during the early morning hours, I felt a cool, almost cold hand brush my cheek. I heard a soft whisper in my ear, a voice so familiar, yet strange.

"Baby, I love you, please don’t waste any more years, go to her now."

I opened my eyes startled, sitting straight up in bed. I looked around the dimly lit room, focusing my eyes. I felt something cold on the side of my face, reaching up with my hand brushing my cheek. My face was ice cold and wet to the touch.

As my eyes adjusted to the room, I saw it was empty. I turned and threw my feet to the floor rubbing my eyes. I could have swore, someone was in the room. I looked down at the floor and saw what appeared to be two small wet spots on the hardwood floors. I once again, looked around the room. Maybe someone was in the house. I got up, walked through the entire house checking the doors, but everything was locked, nothing amiss. I must have been dreaming, but it sure seemed so real.

I spent the day relaxing and watching TV, several good football games were on. Around five that evening I got a call from Beth, I had not spoken to her since Christmas night at her place.

"Hi Jeff, how are you ?", she asked.

"I’m fine Beth, and you ?", I replied.

"I’m ok, thanks. Are you doing anything later tonight ?", she asked.

"No, not a thing. Just going to be hanging out here, watching TV.", I responded.

"Same here. I’m not in the mood for partying.", Beth stated.

"Yea, I know the feeling.", I replied.

"Well have a Happy New Year’s, Jeff.", she wished.

"You too, Beth.", I responded.

The day passed slowly , I guess about six-thirty that evening the neighbors started shooting fireworks. They had an annual party and always spent a small fortune on fireworks. Several times, Susan and I had set up chairs in our front yard, wrapped in blankets and watched the show. Once again, there were dozens of people across the street all having a very good time. I decided to go sit outside for a while and watch the show, grabbing a chair, a blanket and a thermos of coffee. My neighbors waved to me, wishing me a Happy New Year’s and returned to their festivities. I sat up my chair, poured a cup of cup, wrapped up in the blanket and sat down. The fireworks were extremely colorful and very plentiful, never slowing down as the hours passed. I looked at my watch, it was almost ten-thirty, the temperature was really dropping. I decided to finish my cup of coffee and call it a night. Just as I was about to pickup and go inside, I saw Beth walking down the sidewalk towards me. She waved when she saw me, coming over to where I was sitting.

"What are doing out here tonight ?", I asked.

"I saw the fireworks from my back door, decided to come watch for a few minutes.", she replied.

"It’s cold out here.", I laughed.

"Yea, I know.", she giggled

"I was just about to go in. I have been out here for about ninety minutes.", I told her.

"Oh, go ahead, I am not going to stay long. Just watch for about ten minutes.", she told me.

"You want my chair and blanket ?", I offered.

"Yea, sounds good.", she laughed.

I got up, giving her my seat and wrapped the blanket around her. I went inside trying to shake off the cold. I made another pot of coffee, poured a mug and sat down in my chair. The coffee was good and quickly warmed me up. I had just gotten up to pour a second cup when the doorbell rang. I opened the door to see Beth, holding my chair and blanket.

"Here, I have had enough, it’s freezing out here.", she laughed, "I’m going to get warm."

"I just made a pot of coffee, you want a cup ?", I asked.

"That would be great.", she replied.

She stepped in, I closed the door on the cold night air. We entered the great room, I offered to take her coat and scarf. She sat down on the sofa, I went to the kitchen, poured a cup of coffee and returned handing it to her. She took a small taste of the very hot liquid.

"Mmmmm, this is good. Thank you.", she said.

I sat down across from her, picking up my cup. She was a beautiful woman, there was no denying it. Even now, dressed only in jeans, a sweater, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, no makeup, she was stunning. She reminded me so much of Susan, in so many ways, I guess it’s why I fell in love with her so quickly. As we sat there drinking our coffee in silence, I could not help but wonder why things had turned out like they had. Two years later and I had traveled full circle, sitting here again with Beth. For some reason, I suddenly thought about the night before and how I was startled from sleep by a voice.

"Baby, I love you, please don’t waste any more years. Go to her now."

Suddenly, I felt a cold damp breeze, pass behind me. I looked up to see Beth staring at me with a blank stare.

"What’s wrong ?", I asked.

"I can’t explain it. I just feel strange.", she replied.

"Strange ?", I asked.

"Never mind, it’s probably just the cold.", she laughed.

I got up and poured us each a fresh cup, turning off the pot. I returned , handed Beth her cup and sat down. I looked at the clock it was eight minutes to midnight, almost another New Year. I looked up and saw Beth once again, looking directly at me. She smiled that smile that would stop your heart for a few beats, then just as quickly, jump start it back to life.

"I guess, I should be going, it’s getting late.", Beth said.

I looked at the clock again, it was eleven-fifty seven, three minutes to midnight. I could hear the intensity of the fireworks pickup outside , anticipating the stroke of midnight,

"Wait just a few minutes, you can hear the grand finale.", I said pointing towards the front of the house.

"I would, but I’m afraid Jeff.", she answered.

"Afraid of what ?", I asked.

"I’m afraid when that clock strikes midnight, I am going to want to kiss you, and if I do, I will never be able to stop.", she confessed, looking down.
I suddenly knew at that moment, there was no denying it, I was still in love with Beth, I always had been. Perhaps the reason, I never ever said those words to Jennifer, because deep in my heart, I knew better. The words from last night were all too clear, I had one last chance for happiness, if I was willing to go all in on this hand.

"Maybe, I won’t ever ask you to stop Beth.", I softly responded.

She looked up from her cup, her eyes wide and focused.

"Are you saying…..I mean….Do you….What are you saying Jeff ?", she stammered.

I set my cup down on the coffee table, leaned towards her and took her hand in mine.

"What I am saying is, I love you. I have since that day over two years ago, the first time I kissed you. You hurt me when you took Lance back, I am not denying that, but as bad as that was, letting you go again, would be worst.", I admitted.

"Jeff, I am so sorry for what I did to you. So many nights I cried myself to sleep, it hurt so bad. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to rush over here, jump into your arms. But I thought you were in love with Jen, I didn’t want to ruin your chance for happiness.", she said as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

"If I could go back and change everything, I would. But I do love you so much and I promise, if you let me I will spend the rest of my life making sure you never regret it.", she finished between sobs.

I got up moved next to her on the sofa, pulling her close to me. I wiped the tears from her cheek looking into her soft warm eyes.

"You do know, I’m never letting you go again. No matter what happens, no matter who objects.", I told her.

"You had better not.", she replied softly.

I sat there holding her close to me, feeling her warm breathe on my cheek. She looked over at the clock and turned to me.

"It’s a new year, let’s start our new life off right.", she whispered to me.

"What do you mean ?", I asked ?

She stood up, grabbed her jacket and scarf, turning to me.

"You still have the key to my house, the one we gave you years ago.?", she asked.

"Yes, it’s here.", I replied.

"Good. I’m going home. Give me about an hour, then come over. Use the key to let yourself in, I will be waiting.", she said with a smile.

She turned and walked out, closing the door behind her. I went into my office, opened my desk and was relieved to see the key in the drawer. I picked it up and headed to the bedroom. I jumped into the shower, shaved and changed clothes quickly. I looked at the clock, it was almost two in the morning. I went out, jumped in my car and drove around the corner to Beth’s. I hurried to the door to get out of the cold, unlocked the door and stepped in. I locked the door behind me and walked down the foyer towards the great room. I called out to Beth.

"In here.", I heard from over my shoulder.

I looked to my right, saw that the master bedroom door was slightly ajar. I pushed it open, my eyes adjusting to the candle lit room. Beth was lying on the huge bed in a floor length, snow white ,silk gown. She was breathtaking, like a scene out of a movie. She held up one hand, asking me to join her. I moved over to the bed and joined her. I leaned over and kissed her, pressing my lips to hers. She responded by easing her tongue between my lips, seeking my own. My hand traveled down the smooth fabric of her gown, until my hand was on her ass. She pressed herself into me, responding to my touch. I reached down to her thigh, gripping the smooth fabric and lifting it slowly up her body. I released her gown and reached down to feel the back of her soft smooth thigh. She moaned into my mouth softly as my hand moved up the back of her thigh. I rolled my hand around the top of her thigh and slowly pushed my way between her legs. She willingly opened her thighs allowing me easier access. I slid my hand up slowly, until I felt her warm, very moist pussy. I extended one finger and began to slowly stroke her slit from top to bottom. Once again she softly moaned into my mouth.

I broke our kiss, and began to slowly move down her body with my lips and tongue. As I reached her thighs , I pushed her long gown up to her hips, completely exposing her pussy. I lowered my mouth to her, pushing my tongue between her smooth lips. She gasped out loud, arching her back slightly. I eased my tongue out of her, and started to gently suck her clit, between my lips. I reached up with my fingers spreading her puffy lips, further exposing her clit. I began to flick my tongue across her swollen clit, stopping only to suck it between my lips for a few seconds. Her breathing was rapid and shallow, her body trembling beneath my mouth. I felt a shiver run through her, then felt her hips come off the bed.

"Oh baby…………..Ohhhhhh…., she cried out.

I pushed my tongue deep inside her, feeling the first spurt of her orgasm wash over it and coating my lips. I eased my tongue out and opened my mouth on her, feeling the second and third waves hit the back of my throat. I stayed with her, feeling her body tremble as waves of pleasure swept over her. She relaxed slowly, her breathing returning to normal. I moved back over her, leaning down, kissing her softly. Her tongue, licked my lips, tasting her cum, then driving past my lips wanting more. She reached down, pushing her hand inside my shorts, finding my rock hard cock. Her hand gently squeezed me, softly stroking me up and down. She reached down with her other hand and pushed my shorts down my legs. She opened her mouth, still on my lips and whispered.

"Make love to me baby, I want you inside me."

I moved over her as she opened her legs, her hand moving to her pussy. She began to rub her clit, looking up directly into my eyes. I moved forward, reached down and pressed the head of my cock into her opening. I eased between her wet soft lips and with one slow easy motion, pushed completely inside of her. I leaned over her, my head going to her neck, kissing it softly. I could feel her warm breathe in my ear. I began to move slowly inside her, pulling almost all of the way out, then slowly back down again until my hips met hers. Slowly, I increased my speed as I felt her body respond to me, once again. Her arms wrapped around me, clutching me tightly as I felt her hips lift off the bed, slamming into mine. Once again she erupted into orgasm, moaning softly into my ear.

"Oh baby, I love you….I love you…, she whispered.

She gently pushed me off of her and on to my side. She sat up, pulling her gown over her head, completely exposing her beautiful body. She moved down my chest, reaching for my wet, rock hard cock. She quickly wrapped her mouth around me, sucking me deep into her throat. Slowly and very softly her lips moved up and down my shaft, as her hand softly caressed my balls. Soon the speed of her mouth increased, quickly sliding up and down my throbbing cock. My hands moved down to her head, my fingers entwined in her soft silky hair. I couldn’t hold out any longer, I reached out for her.

"Baby, I’m coming…now…, I warned.

She moved her mouth off of me, grabbing my cock in her right hand, stroking it madly. The first stream of cum shot out of my cock landing on my stomach. She lowered her mouth over the head of my cock, as the next waves exploded on her tongue. She continued pumping my cock into her eager mouth, wanting every last drop. My cum was now running out of her mouth and down my shaft. She stayed on my shaft, making sure I was completely drained of fluid. She released my cock, moving back up my body. She leaned over and pressed her lips to mine. I pulled her closed, as I felt her mouth open and her tongue push into my mouth. Her tongue pushed my cum from her mouth into mine then moved around the inside of mouth, coating it with my warm , salty fluid. I swallowed what was left, allowing it to ease down my throat. I reached down her body and my hand met hers, which was buried between her legs. She was eagerly stroking her clit once again, no doubt aroused by the thought of my own cum in my mouth. The speed of her hand increased, and without warning, she erupted into a powerful orgasm that sent fluid gushing from between her legs. She shook violently on her hand, pressing it hard into her slit. It took her breathe away, causing her to gasp for air. Slowly it subsided, as she collapsed on top of my body, her breathing returning to normal. Her face turned to mine, her eyes tearing up slightly.

"I love you baby, I have never felt like this, never felt so loved.", she whispered.

I held her as she sobbed, her face buried in my neck. I felt the tears stream down my cheeks as well. I pulled her body to me, squeezing her to my chest. I closed my eyes, grateful to whatever had brought me to this time and place, for it was right. This was the woman I loved, though the path was not easy, it was the right one. Today would be the first day of our lives together, I was determined to live each one to the fullest, for no one knows just how many we still have promised to us.


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