Cannabis Cringe – The Cringiest things a cannabis smoker can do
Cannabis is a wonderful plant that can provide you with plenty of benefits. From medical to recreational application, this diverse plant can bring out the best in people, make them functional, keep their stress levels down and allow them to overcome traumatic experiences.
However, while cannabis might be good for some, others take it a bit “too seriously”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an avid cannabis advocate that’s been fighting the good fight for almost two decades now – but even I can recognize Cannabis Cringe when I see it.
Perhaps, even I was participant to the cringe during my younger stoner years. Nonetheless, I think it’s a good time to reveal some of the “cringiest” things that some cannabis users do and why you should probably avoid doing them yourself. If you find yourself guilty of one of these things in this list – remember that this is merely my opinion.
If the cringe you commit makes you happy, brings you joy, or gives some sort of meaning to your life – ignore my comments. You’re the only one who has to live your life so don’t ever listen to anyone else’s opinion on how you should live your life.
Having said that, if you find yourself on this list and were completely oblivious to the cringe-factor of your actions, then perhaps it’s time to do some deep soul searching. If you feel some level of shame, then you might want to change your ways as soon as possible.
Now that we have all of that out of the way, let’s dive into the wonderful world of Cannabis Cringe!
Talking Smack About Someone’s Weed
If someone is inviting you to smoke some weed at their expense, the least you can do is show a bit of gratitude. I’ve smoked with some “snob stoners” who would talk smack if they find a seed in a nug of weed. “Mmh, obviously they didn’t do a good job of separating the males from the females!” they scoff as if they know exactly what happened.
Sure, there might have been some cross pollination, but plants can also flip their sexes under certain conditions. Nonetheless, in my world if I find a seed fall out of some killer bud, I don’t scoff – I celebrate!
Why, because with a bit of patience you can have a lot more of the weed you’re smoking…without any seeds at all (if it’s female). You can also turn it into a mother plant and keep cloning it indefinitely. The point is, even though your weed might be straight fire stolen from the ganja gods themselves…to talk smack about someone’s weed when they are offering is simply a “dick move” and highly ranked on the “Canna-Cringe Factor”.
For Shame!
Slobbing the blunt…
If you’re smoking with people, please – for the love of all that is good in this world – stop slobbing your blunts! It’s one of the most disgusting things to receive a moist joint, still warm from the gaping hole of a mouth belonging to the stranger that probably hasn’t showered in a few days.
If need be, wipe your goddam lips before hitting the blunt, or simply create a “vortex vacuum” to smoke without touching the blunt with your lips at all!
What? What’s a vortex vacuum?
It’s basically when you hold the joint in between your two fingers, open your mouth in a fishlipped circular shape, and inhale all the air around the joint. It’s a technique that’s especially good to get the final hits out of a hard to smoke roach. Since your lips are not touching the joint, you won’t be able to slob on anything and you’ll get a massive hit.
The only potential downside of this technique is inhaling some “burning side smoke” from the joint. Nonetheless, it’s the best way for you to be a civil person…and the size of your lips have nothing to do with whether you slob on a joint or not!
Obsessing the Stone!
When you become infatuated with cannabis to the point where everything you do is weed – you cringe! I love weed like the rest of you, probably more…because unlike most of you smoking weed, cannabis has actually paid my rent and has put food on my table for many years now.
Not only that, I also am a firm believer in the physical, psychological and spiritual benefits of cannabis. Get me started talking on cannabis and it will be hard to shut me up.
HOWEVER, I don’t obsess over it.
I don’t need to convince anyone that it’s the dopest dope on the planet. This is because I understand that not everyone is as interested in the plant as I am. When someone asks, of course I provide my perspective on the matter – but if no one is asking, I don’t need to be preaching.
This is what it ultimately comes down to – cannabis preaching.
Nobody likes street preachers and nobody likes canna street preachers either – including stoners. If you’re smoking weed and booming with facts and data and reasons why cannabis is awesome – here’s a more constructive way of dealing with it – write blogs or make videos. Start a podcast!
Anything, but for the love of Ganj – shut the crap up!
Weed is cool dude, we know – we smoke it too you tripped out sonuvabitch!
Don’t drink the bong-water you twat!
Of course this isn’t common practice. The vast majority of cannabis consumers are well aware of the fact that it’s probably not a good idea to drink the “filtration liquid” of your smoking device. Yet many stoners (especially younger ones) at one point in time dare their homeboys (or girls) to take a swig of bong water.
Cringing the shotglass or the bong closer to their mouth, they take the swig and the room erupts into “eww” while the person swigging is gagging at that stale ass-smelling taste lingering in the back of their throats.
Sure, you may have gotten some “street cred”, but really you also immediately became the dumb ass who drank bong water. There is no stoner in his 50s today that is saying, “Man drinking that bong water was one of the best things I ever did!”
So even if you’re being pressured by your friends to drink the bong water…DON’T! It’s a trap! If they want to see someone drink it so badly, they can have a go at it!
Perma-Mooching is for little bitches…you don’t want to be a little bitch now do you?
If you’re smoking weed, you have to invest into your own stash. It’s the sure tell sign that “You’re a stoner!” and before people get their panties in a knot – I use the term “stoner” as a term of endearment for people who engage with long term consumption. If you smoke regularly throughout the week – you’re a stoner.
And if you are a stoner, you should always have a stash. It is stoner law…written somewhere we all collectively had forgotten – “Ye who smoketh shall owneth their weedeth…” or something like that.
Yet there are some “stoners” – if we can even call them that – that smoke ganja but owns nothing. They only mooch. Some call them scavengers; others call them “cannacommies” (nobody calls them that) but the underlying principle remains. If you’re smoking, so are they.
If you are a person who always smokes but never buys…BEGONE SATAN! It’s some of the Cringiest shit a stoner can do…so if you’re guilty of this vile act, buy your homeboys a stash and make up for your demon ways!
Scorching the Earth like the greedy slag you are!
Someone packs a bowl, passes it to another person and in one torch, the entire bowl is gone. Perhaps, they only burned the whole top of the bowl…still a dick move!
If someone passes you some reefer, you better be thinking of sharing some of the “top bowl”. You can pull this off by lighting only “half of the bowl” and taking a hit. You’re still getting the better hit, but you’re generously leaving some terpenes in the bowl so that the other person following you also gets a good taste and small profile.
But if you just “scorch earth da madaFka” – then you Cringe like the best of them.
Mess Maker in the Making!
Finally, we take a look at the people who break shit, spill shit, and simply makes a mess wherever they go – blundering through life in a haze of dimwitted laughter and awkward silences when they break your prized pipe.
“Next time I’m only putting out the shitty pipes…and I’m no longer inviting Jimmy that clumsy oaf!”
If you get stupid when you smoke weed, you need to chill out. Maybe weed is something you do by yourself for a while, until you learn how to behave in a civil manner around other stoners. Sure, when everyone’s baked there’s a spectrum of shitfuckery tolerated – but if you’re outright disrupting things you first need to learn how to handle your weed or at least have some pre-thought out protcols in place when getting high in public.
For example, if you’re so high you’re knocking over glasses – remove yourself from the room, find a quiet chair and go to sleep or something. If you’re not tired, sit there a while until you’re clear headed enough to not be stumbling about like a drunken chimp.
Don’t be so Cringy!
At the end of the day, this is a subjective list of things that muff some stoners off. Of course, there are no real “rules” to how you should live and thus one man’s cringe is another man’s regular Tuesday. However, some of the items on this list elude to ethics and behavior in group environments.
There is a level of “social etiquette” required to smoke with a bunch of people and if you’re still not “that in control” of your emotions, then it’s okay to spend some time with yourself and learn how you behave.
It will help you tremendously in life to master your reactions, emotional states (sober and intoxicated). It makes you a better person.
What other Cringe did I leave out, let me know in the comments!
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