Stoner Rites: You can’t call yourself a stoner if you haven’t done this…
So you consider yourself a stoner? A stoner is a cannabis consumer that has accepted the fact that for the rest of their lives they will smoke weed. They are well versed within cannabis lingo and reefer behavior. They engage with the culture on a personal level. A stoner is pretty much a pothead that gets shit done.
However, one can only call oneself a stoner if you have ‘lived’ the stoner-life. After years of partaking with fellow stoners, I have compiled a short list of “rites” one must pass through to fully become a stoner. Obviously, this is all subject and written under the influence of some serious ganja, but it’s all for shits and giggles in the end. So put those ego’s aside and engage in a subjective analysis of what it takes to become a stoner.
But first, take a hit and then let’s keep on reading.
Making a smoking device from nothing…
You’re out and about and wanting to smoke some weed. You don’t have papers on you, you don’t have a pipe either. You’re left standing with weed in one hand and nothing to smoke it with. A stoner’s approach to this problem is to simply fabricate something from whatever he or she can find.
You make quick assessment of your surroundings, and spot a few potential objects that can get the trick done. Minutes later you whip up some abstract contraption out of anything you could find, and everybody is stoned and happy.
If you’ve done this, you’re well on your way to be a full-fledge stoner…
Question: What was the most insane contraption you created out of nothing?
(Answer in the Comment Section)
Eat Waaay Too Many Brownies…
Another stoner rite is the deep dive into cannabis. It’s not always a ‘fun’ experience but it’s always intense. Some of you might not know what I’m talking about, but a true stoner has delved within the infinite belly of a cannabis super dose through the means of edibles.
You see, an edible sneaks up on you. It might take an hour or more to start hitting you. Depending on the potency of the edible, it could either be a pleasant experience, or an intense rollercoaster ride into a pseudo-psychedelic experience.
For instance, you eat a few brownies a friend brought to your house. A full platter with about 20 brownies. You decide, you’ll start off with one and see how it goes. An hour later, you’re feeling it working in your stomach and think, “Well, one more won’t hurt…”
It’s all good and gravy until the munchies kick in and for some reason you didn’t think of munchies prior to eating cannabis edibles. The only thing left to eat of course are ‘more cannabis infused brownies’. So, one more couldn’t hurt?
Seventeen brownies later, you realize, “Oh shit…I might have overdone this one…”
What follows is a heavily sedated body stumbling around like a blind moose, cottonmouth clutching your throat and your brain feeling gravity on a hyper conscious level. Then, you begin to close your eyes and start seeing shit while at the same time feeling like you have absolutely no control over your body.
Knowing that you’ll be in this state for several more hours, you simply clutch down and ride it out like a champ. Eventually, you wake up with a thick mouth and what I can only call a true “cannabis hangover”, you feel like you wrestled the netherworld all night but energized and ready for the world.
Some people perceive this as a negative experience under the influence of cannabis, whereas a stoner embraces the full power of weed. You go through something like that, you have a deeper respect for the ganja.
Question: Have you ever plunged into the infinite void of a heavy edible trip?
(Drop the Answer in the Comment Section)
Purchased a LAARGE Sack of Weed…
Every stoner at one point in time purchased in bulk. And by bulk I’m talking about a pound and up. The average smoker would be more than okay with an ounce or two, but a stoner usually likes to get great deals on large quantities of reefer.
I remember buying my first kilo. Not only is your asshole in your throat due to the amount of nerves you might have, there is almost a childlike excitement surrounding you. The mix of adrenaline and excitement is totally something unique. You know that if you get pulled over by the cops, you’re probably going to jail. However, the stoner takes the risk (not all the time, I don’t buy kilos anymore) to get the reward.
Question: What’s the Biggest Stash you ever bought?
(Answer in the Comment Section)
I’ll stop it right here for now…however if you want to find out more about the stoner rites, I can do a follow up on a few more rituals and experiences that maketh the stoner.