Memepocalypse is here – DEA’s New Marijuana Name List Will Inspire Internet Memery to a new level!
There is a scene in “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” where Johnny Depp and Benicio del Toro are sitting at a police convention. The expert, Dr. Elrond Bumpquist speaks defining the scourge that is marijuana.
To quote the dear doctor Elrond from the movie, “For example, the dope fiend refers to the reefer bud as a roach…because, it resembles a cockroach…”
The entire scene is filled with hilarity and sheds a light on the way that law enforcement approaches drugs and drug users. They have no idea why people take drugs, why they call it the way they do and no understanding on how to effectively deal with “The reefer addict”.
It seems however, that the DEA decided to follow in the footsteps of Dr. Elrond Bumpquist and released an “updated version” of slang terms for cannabis.
I can only imagine that the Memepocalypse will follow suit seeing that some of these names are incredibly ludicrous. Today, we’ll be going over the most insane names for marijuana that the DEA thinks us “reefer addicts” call our favorite plant.
For the full list, click this link here…
Hey man, you got some “Broom!”
Very reminiscent of Reefer Madness, the DEA has a long list of Spanish words that have NEVER been used to describe cannabis.
For starters, you have Escoba which literally means broom. Then you got some Gallina (hen) which could be related since in Spanish the name of a joint is Porro or Gallo (Rooster).
Nonetheless they included some other crazy ones as well;
- Elefante Pata (which correctly would be Pata de Elefante) or “Elephant’s Foot” for those who don’t know Spanish
- Almohada – which translates to Pillow
- Cajita – Which translates to small box
- Diosa Verde – Green Goddess (this is probably one of the more related terms on the list)
- Leña – Firewood
- Manteca – Pork Fat? I mean really….
- Palomita – This translates to small dove or popcorn.
- Valle – Translates to Valley
As you can see, none of these words are commonly used to descrive marijuana. They did include Porro in their list, which was one of the only Spanish words to actually describe a joint. However, the rest are just made up bullshit.
The problem with this made up bullshit is that now cops will begin to target Latinos at a higher rate, especially if those cops don’t understand Spanish.
What if a father and son are planning a camping trip and the dad turns to the kid and says, “Oye Mijo, pusiste la Leña?”
Next thing you know, poor old dad is on the floor and junior is being hauled off to child protective services because Officer Shoot-First-Ask-Questions-Later heard “leña” in the sentence.
However the Spanish words for cannabis was just a small portion of the entire list. Let’s move onto the English words and please let me know in the comments whether you’ve EVER used these or EVER heard someone use these terms.
Hey man, looking to score some “Shoes!”
Yep, not making this shit up. Shoes is on the list of English terms for weed according to the DEA. I don’t know about you, but Shoes have never crossed my lips when it came to buying weed. Nonetheless, watch out the next time you go Shoe-Shopping, a gun-wielding police officer might be thinking you’re trying to “score some drugs”.
Let’s go through the rest of the list;
- A-Bomb – Once more, not really within my vocabulary but then again, some people might refer to the reefer as A-Bomb because it will absolutely level you.
- Alfalfa – Vegans beware! Next time you’re buying Alfalfa…you might be the target of a Sting operation.
- Bionic – Ummm…huh?
- Branches – Firstly, the stems of weed are not sought after by cannabis users. There’s no one in their right mind that would ask for “branches”.
- Loud – This doesn’t refer to the name of cannabis but rather how “stinky” it is. Loud Weed = Pungent odor, not the weed itself. Fkin morons!
- My Brother – So they just literally are targeting anyone who talks about their brother…nice!
- Pasture – Huh? Who the fuck calls it Pasture?
- Terpenes – No…people don’t call the marijuana plant terpenes. A bit of research would reveal that terpenes and terpenoids are responsible for the smell profile of a cannabis plant and also influences the effects of the cannabinoids. Besides, terpenes are found in virtually every plant on this planet.
- Zip – What?!?
Of course I didn’t list the entire DEA slang terms, but still, this should be more than enough to convince you that the people supposedly responsible for “protecting us from ourselves”, have abso-fuckin-lutely no idea about the cannabis culture.
Many of these terms will have a negative impact on many communities that use these words for other things. Cops are now being trained to pick up on these words and pursuit potential “Suspects”. So if you’re ever in Harlem and see a friend of yours and yell out “My Brother!” you might have a Swat team stalking your house.
When you see Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas you think, “This is pretty funny, it could never be real!” Well, the DEA just proved you wrong!