Hide Your High
While being high is great, sometimes you just have to disguise how stoned AF you are. Whether you’re meeting your partner’s parents, saying hello to grandma, going to the bank, or reporting to the office, you just might find our tips useful in hiding your high:
Follow our tips to help you mask that hit no matter where you are:
Fix the red eyes stat! Red eyes is one of the most obvious tell-tales that someone is high, and that’s because smoking cannabis can decrease pressure in the inner eye, which causes the rest of the blood vessels to expand. This can be good for those who have glaucoma but for those of us who just want to enjoy a good hit, it can be an inconvenience. Always keep some Visine or other kinds of eye drops that are meant to address red eyes. (Word of caution: use these drops sparingly or you could develop a tolerance to it!) If your eyes are watery, just tell your coworkers that your allergies are acting up and keep some tissue in handy. Otherwise, wear sunglasses if you can and avoid eye contact.
Another surefire way to get caught stoned is if you reek of weed. If you’ve been smoking for a long time now it’s too easy to get too used to the smell of weed that you’ll no longer be able to tell if it clings to your clothing or if you smell of it. Thankfully, this can be easily addressed by simply spraying on some cologne, deodorant, and even fabric conditioners. The smell of pot is also distinguishable in your breath but pop some mints and brush your teeth – you should be good to go. Avoid having the smell of weed linger in your hands by washing them or applying body lotion before you head out.
It’s probably in your best interest to avoid an indica strain if you have to get out and see people. Indica strains are known for having a strong couch-lock effect that can make it difficult for you to move, get up, and be productive. Normally this would be fine, but if you want to trick people into thinking you’re sober, you’ll have to get moving.
Be aware of how much you’re laughing. Nonstop giggling will make people suspicious especially if you’re laughing about things that other people just don’t find funny. I know it can be hard to stifle the laughter because things like stupid comments or a coworker who isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed can seem 10 times funnier when you’re stoned AF. This is difficult but can the giggles.
Sometimes keeping your mouth shut is the best option. Rambling endlessly might seem fun but then you might end up talking about stuff that just doesn’t make sense; or worse, go on waxing philosophical which can cause people to think you’ve just had a smoke session. Being conscious of how much or what you’re saying will help keep things incognito. Don’t admit that you know you’re talking nonsense either – just zip it.
Don’t fidget! Stoners are prone to fidgeting: while standing up, lining up, or sitting down. Sometimes it can be hard to tell if you’re fidgeting so the key is to be conscious of it already especially if you’ve been told in the past how fidgety you can get. Focus on something and don’t worry about your pose; make sure that your hands and legs are still.
Chew some gum – this gives you an outlet to release all that nervous energy and will also help reduce the cotton mouth that comes with getting stoned. Then say a quick prayer with the hopes your gum chewing will ward off anyone who tries to have a conversation with you. At the very least this can also prevent bad breath.
If you get the munchies, do it in private. People will wonder why you’re suddenly able to gobble down 5 slices of pizza but keep in mind that excessive hunger and cravings are a tell-tale sign of a recent pot session. Don’t overeat in public but if you already know that you’re prone to the munchies and have to be around people, eat a small snack before bolting out the door.
What are your tips for disguising your high? Share with us in the comments below!
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