Tha DoggFather and my Mother-in-Law

My wife’s mom found out she had cancer, but I swear this isn’t a depressing story. After Sharon’s initial diagnosis, everyone in the family rallied together, wondering how we could help. Sharon pulled me aside and asked if I could get her some weed. Her doctor recommended that she try “alternative medicine” and she wanted the number of my dealer. I told her I would happily take her to get her own prescription card. She loved the idea.

Snoop Dogg Gets His Medical Marijuana Card and We Were There! from CannabisNet on Vimeo.

“Soon enough,” she told me, “I’ll be your dealer.”

A quick Yelp search found that the highest rated doctor in town was in West Hollywood, not far from her house. We drove up La Cienega and found what looked to be an abandoned office building. Sharon started to panic. “Are we sure about this?” she asked. “It doesn’t look very medical.”

“Of course,” I lied. I told her that the guy taking a leak in the alley was just collecting specimens.

We made our way up to the second floor, where it was more dorm room than waiting room. Christmas lights were strung on the walls (it was April) and Bob Marley posters were hung up with thumbtacks. The receptionist gave Sharon her paperwork and told her that she would be called when it was her turn.

Looking around the waiting room gave Sharon second thoughts. The other patients were a couple of young skater bros and a guy with a face tattoo yelling into his phone about his ex-wife. Sharon was getting antsy and annoyed. She calmly but firmly told the receptionist that she was sicker than these other people and she needed to be seen first. This had nothing to do with the cancer. This was just straight-up mother-in-law behavior.

The receptionist was completely un-moved. “Everyone waits their turn,” she said, barely looking up from her phone.

The door opened behind us, and in an instant, the smell of “medicine” was overwhelming. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Was I high? It was the D-O-Double G himself. Snoop had come for his prescription. Looking perfectly Snoop-like in a Raiders hat, he gave a quick nod to the receptionist and breezed straight into the doctor’s office.

Sharon wasn’t having it. “Why does that guy get to walk right in?” she demanded angrily.

I tried to calm her down, but I couldn’t hide the huge grin on my face.

“Sharon, don’t you know who that is?”

“Is he a musician or something?”

“Sharon, that’s Snoop. We are definitely in the right place.”

Sharon was unimpressed. “I don’t care who he is. He should wait his turn like the rest of us. I have cancer. What does he have?”

The situation had taken a turn. Medical marijuana was legal because of people like Sharon, but here she was, feeling like an afterthought. She was about to blow. If only there were something that could help calm her down….

And just like that, Snoop was done. He was in the doctor’s office for maybe two minutes tops. As he glided past us, the receptionist asked for a selfie. He didn’t even say anything; he just let her snap it and kept on moving. As he walked out, I noticed a mountain-sized bodyguard standing in the hallway. It was perfect.

It was finally Sharon’s turn. The doctor was a kind older man and he was actually very knowledgeable about how the medicine would complement her treatment. He wrote the prescription (telling us that only 15-20% of his patients were there for cancer or MS) and gave her a coupon for free samples at the dispensary next door.

As we were walking out, I couldn’t help myself and I had to ask.

“So what does Snoop have?”

“Doctor patient confidentiality.” He told me with a smile. “But I think he’ll be okay.”

On the drive home, Sharon gave me one of her samples: a watermelon Jolly Rancher. I pocketed it for later and put on “Drop It Like It’s Hot.” Sharon’s verdict: “It’s fine. But not good enough to cut the line.”

Snoop Dog Gets His Medical Marijuana Card With Us!