Early Nominees for the Stoner Oscar Awards for 2020 - You Can't Make This Stuff Up
With 2020 finally kicking into “high-gear” and February steadily marching towards its 29th day – the stoners of the world have been busy. If January is any indication on how nutty this year is going to be, we’re in for one whacky ride.
Not to mention that this year we have a presidential election on the roster that always nudges the “insanity-meter” up by one notch. Today however, we will do everything in our power to avoid being wholly serious about “things” and pay our respect to the unsung heroes of ganja.
This year – it is my hope to capture the memories and imagery of unique creatures spawned from the collective weirdness of humanity. However, the only condition being that they have to be related to weed. Last year, we had a Florida Man dressed up like Santa Clause handing out weed on the streets. That is a prime example of what I’m talking about.
This time around though, we’ll be working our way up throughout the entire year. We’ll be scanning the internet, reading every stoner-related mishap on the internet and creating a 2020 List of Incredibly Weird Stoner Stories.
For the month of January, we have three unique cases that we will be covering.
So without any further delay…who are these Stoner Saints? These Bong Bishops? Let’s find out…
The Court House Toker
Imagine if “The Dude” was not Jeff Bridges, but really a younger dude from Tennessee and his name was actually Spencer Boston [I-shit-you-not] – who decided to spark up a joint in court while talking about his perspective on cannabis. The judge wasn’t too much of a fan and sentenced Spencer to 10-days in Jail for disorderly conduct.
For some, Spencer Boston’s action was a sign of stupidity. Some said that “he made the case for prohibition”.
Others on the flip-side of the story hailed him a hero for standing up for cannabis rights. They made sarcastic remarks like “Land of the Free – amirite?” in response to his brave selfless acts of defiance.
What do I think?
This dude definitely deserves to be on some sort of list. It’s probably one of the prime reasons why I decided to write this article. However, when I went down this rabbit hole – I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
Spencer Boston deserves to be turned into a cultural icon. His image should be memified, his likeness silhouetted onto tie-dye shirts and sold at Phish-cover band tribute concerts. It’s the “toke smelled around the world” if you ask me…but that’s just this stoner’s opinion.
Onto the next Weed Wizard on the list…
The Kimmel Stoner
Perhaps this is two steps forward and one step back – The Kimmel Stoner is a man by the name of Frederick Miller who appeared on Jimmy Kimmel. Sure, it’s a stereotypical stoner who got instantly famous for being a goofy, goofball with seemingly sub-par intelligence. However, stoners are fun!
Some people got incredibly butt hurt over the idea that Kimmel was “promoting negative stoner stereotypes”, but really people – we need more fun-loving chillness in our lives.
I see nothing wrong with Fred the Stoner’s cheerful demeanor and he definitely deserves to be on the list of “Weird Stoners with Stories” or something of the sorts.
The Free Walker
While this is truly the case of an “unsung hero” – as in he wasn’t named in the original story – the true honor should go to the legal defense. Imagine if you will, a scene where you get busted with 91-pounds of weed in Ohio and then after rigorous court appearances – you walk Scott-Free!
This happened in January of this year, where a man had all charges dropped because of a “technicality” within the new marijuana laws.
In Ohio – hemp is legal. Cannabis isn’t. However, the labs in Ohio are ill-equipped to test for “THC-quantity”. They only have the ability to detect “presence” but not how much of the substance is in the flower.
And so, the prosecution brought out 91-pounds of weed – laid it out in front of the judge and said, “See, it’s a metric-FUCK-ton of weed!”
The judge sat back, listened to the defense say, “Prove it’s got more than .3% THC!”
The prosecution sat silent.
The Judge said…”Fuck it, you free to go!”
And so, the unnamed-stoner will forever become the “stoner saint of good fortune” for he was the one that got away.
Let’s see what February has got in store for us!
I’m excited to continue to expand on this list and compile it throughout the year. At the end of each month I’ll pull the three craziest stories and put them on the list to contend for the “Stoniest Stoner of 2020” – or something like that.
If you know about stoner sightings around the world and believe that they should be included on this list – hit me up on Twitter!
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