Stoner Horoscopes

Stoner Horoscopes

June 24-30, 2016

Posted by:
Laurie Lyons on Friday Jun 24, 2016

Want to know your stoner horoscope? This weekend is all about Pluto and Jupiter messing around in the aspects of finance and success, so take advantage of this fortuitous days while you can!


Aries (March 21-April 19)

The end of the month will start to get a bit more hectic for you as Mars moves into its full force behind you. This is positive energy, though, and a good time to get things done. Combine Mars’ strength with a good sativa strain like Kali Mist, and you’ll be knocking down that to-do list in no time.


Taurus (April 20-May 20)

A creative project could turn out to be financially fruitful for you in the coming week, so it might be a good idea to spend the weekend not only creating, but also actively seeking out and being open to new opportunities. At the very least you’ll have gotten yourself back into some sort of creative flow. Check out some of these insane blunt designs to help spark some ideas.


Gemini (May 21-June 20)

June is a month that may make you feel like you are trapped in a particularly crummy situation, but there is a way out: using your words. Figure out the problem, organize your thoughts, and talk your way through the situation as best you can. Just make sure the issue you are trying to talk your way out of isn’t with your drug dealer -- as we’ve learned that’s much easier said than done.


Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Hey water baby, this weekend is a great time to go and submerge yourself. Grab a friend or a loved one and find a body of water to wash all of your cares away, as water will offer up some transformative energies for you. Balance out your water sign with a little bit of Fire OG to make for the most perfect weekend.


Leo (July 23-August 22)

A new professional opportunity may be coming your way soon, and the stars are aligned to give you the little boost of boldness that you need to navigate the negotiations associated with that opportunity. If you find that you still need a little boost, try sparking up a little bit of Bruce Banner before bringing out your inner Hulk.


Virgo (August 23-September 22)

The coming days are all about planting seeds for you. They might not grow and flourish quite as quickly as you may like, so make sure that you are patient, or you may smother them to death. And if you have any interest in taking that literally, maybe consider a little bit of home gardening.


Libra (September 23-October 22) 

Some help with financial matters may be coming your way, soon, but they’ll likely involve a catch. If a benefactor comes your way, they will want you to keep their assistance quiet, and it is in everyone’s best interest for you to honor that. If you happen to feel like oversharing, do yourself a favor and smoke a good indica like LA Confidential and just keep to yourself for a while.


Scorpio (October 23-November 21) 

This weekend and into Monday your stars will sparkle a little bit extra, bringing a bit of enchantment and wonder into your life. Allowing yourself to indulge in this may not be your usual way, but try giving in, just this once. And while you’re trying to open yourself up to new things, maybe try smoking your weed in a crazy new way, too.


Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

If there is an important meeting that you’ve been putting off, now is the time to have it -- especially if it deals with money. If it involves bringing a new idea to the table be sure that you’ve spent some time researching all aspects of the idea including funding.


Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

A unique opportunity to spend time with loved ones may come your way this weekend, and you should definitely seize it while you can. Hop in your carefully loaded car and get going -- a few unexpected adventures await!


Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

You are set to undergo a significant transformative experience soon, one that can impact many different parts of your life. It’s wise to be completely open to whatever is coming toward you, but also to make sure that things change under your terms. Help figure out exactly what that looks like with a little bit of yoga, weed, and meditation -- it certainly couldn’t hurt.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

Lady luck will be smiling down on you this weekend, as will Jupiter, the giver of gifts and luck. This is a rare weekend, one that won’t come around again for a while, where a money matter will poke its head up in a positive way. This has the potential for lasting influence on your financial life, so exploit it for all it’s worth. Hell, this may be the perfect weekend to apply for the dream job that you’ve been waiting for.

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