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The beginning of August is a time when you need to rely on your own instincts

Stoner Horoscopes

August 11-August 18

Posted by Laurie Lyons on Saturday Aug 13, 2016
  1802 Views  /    4 Lights

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Though you typically seek the advice and support of loved ones about everything from trivial matters to major, life altering decisions, the beginning of August is a time when you need to rely on your own instincts. Instead of keeping council with your inner circle, listen to your own advice, especially when it comes to your love life. If you’re worried this may cause some strife, particularly with your parents, just get stoned with them and tell them to chill out.


Taurus (April 20-May 20)

The new moon that rose earlier this week is one that welcomes changes to your home -- it’s all about adding value and beauty to your living space, making it a place that you can treasure and feel comfortable in for the foreseeable future. Concentrating on this project will have lasting effects on your peace of mind, so really throw yourself into it. While you’re at it, make your home even more comfy by setting up weed delivery to your front door.


Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Your abilities and skills as a communicator will be at the forefront of your life early this month, and not just at work. Use the power of words wisely to achieve your goals and you will likely have a very good August to look forward to. If you’re going to be talking a lot, just be sure you keep hydrated and calm so you can really get your point across.


Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Success at work is very close, which means you may be seeing a raise and/or a new title. Those ideas you’ve been working on are finally going to pay off, and the rewards you will reap will make for a wonderful August, so go ahead and splurge -- you deserve it!


Leo (July 23-August 22)

Whatever goal you may be currently working on, the new moon in early August will help you to bring it into focus. Be sure to make some time in your busy schedule to make some major headway on it, particularly if you’ve been procrastinating. This moon will help you gain some new energy around the project, and if you’re looking for some extra focus, try a new strain like Stevie Wonder or Charlotte’s Web.


Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Few things are better for a stoner to binge watch than the Rio Olympics. Just think, you can sit on your couch and smoke a bowl and become inspired to either go to the gym or order a pizza. Or both. Or neither. Either way, great weekend.


Libra (September 23-October 22)

If you’re still working on your budget for August, you’ll need to make sure there’s plenty of extra cash in the dining, drinking, and social column, as August is going to be very busy for your social life. Make an effort to connect with friends you haven’t seen in a while, and keep an eye out for the potential to make great new ones.


Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

A few Bad Moms may be finding success at the box office, making audiences laugh at the pitfalls that come with attempting to be a perfect parent. If you’re currently struggling with some of the same issues as a parent, it may be time to relax with a nice bowl -- don’t worry, you can still be a good parent and smoke weed. No kids of your own? Maybe try blazing up with your parents and see if it brings you closer together.


Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) 

Look across the pond, because this is a great time for you to either travel or connect with someone in a foreign country through email or phone. If you’re traveling, be sure to pick a great stoner destination. No foreign friends, but still feel like getting a stamp in that passport? Find a new one.


Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

It’s a good weekend to take in a new movie, and though fans and critics seem to be split on their love for Suicide Squad, you really can’t pass up a chance to strap on some 3D glasses and spark up a bit of Harlequin sativa in honor of the movie’s resident female troublemaker. It will likely make you as happy and euphoric as Harley Quinn with her baseball bat, but may cause some dry mouth issues, so be sure to grab a big drink to go with your popcorn.


Aquarius (January 20-February 18) 

Poor Ben Affleck seems to be a bit out of it lately, showing up to the Suicide Squad after party with his pants undone, looking noticeably disheveled. If stress has taken its toll on you lately, make sure that you don’t end up with your junk almost falling out like Batman. Take some time for yourself, have a few nice cups of marijuana tea, and get your shit together.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

Been avoiding the doctor or dentist? Now is a good time to take care of whatever has been ailing you and to spend some time focusing on your health. Call your doctor or make an appointment with your dentist. Either way, suck it up and just get over with whatever you’ve been avoiding.

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