The all-knowing shares what's in store for you this week.
The all-knowing shares what's in store for you this week.

Stoner Horoscopes

June 17-23, 2016

Posted by:
Laurie Lyons on Friday Jun 17, 2016

Want to know your stoner horoscope? Look no further than our newest feature that tells you how the stars, planets, and moons align to reflect the ebb and flow of your life’s events.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

The full moon on the 20th marks a day of completing tasks that have come your way since the last full moon. For once you will have some control over how things turn out, so don’t be afraid to be aggressive in getting what you need and want to be able to get things done. After you have accomplished your goals, spend some time rewarding yourself with a nice blunt. Maybe even try making one of these artistic masterpieces as a way to relax.


Taurus (April 20-May 20)

A big confrontation may be in the forecast this week, so be prepared for it. Remember to keep your wits about you and the confrontation can be kept contained, allowing both parties to come back together once tempers have settled. To help facilitate the reunion, try one of these date ideas for stoner couples (some of them work for non-couples, too).


Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Friendships and close relationships are very important around the full moon this month, so put a lot of focus on deepening your bonds. A good way to learn more about someone important to you is to try something new together. Maybe get adventurous and try making your own batch of rosin together.


Cancer (June 21-July 22)

A big project at work is slated to be wrapped up soon, and that finish line can’t come along soon enough. If the project is causing trouble between you and managers and other co-workers, be sure to take a step back and take a deep breath -- and a deep toke -- before adding any more fuel to the agitation fire. Bring some of that stoner peace to your colleagues, and maybe even introduce them to meditation and yoga on marijuana and see how your work life improves.


Leo (July 23-August 22)

Though socializing is usually a top priority for you, now is a time for you to focus on a specific part of your social circle, as a friend may need more of your time. Be willing to give it to them freely, and without asking for anything in return. However, if that friend happens to be your drug dealer, we highly suggest running in the other direction.


Virgo (August 23-September 22)

This is a good time to spend tending your home, focusing on the little things that have been bugging you for a while. Get rid of other distractions this week and knock some of these projects out so that you can be clear headed as you head into July. Once you’re done, reward yourself with some pizza delivery, especially if this new pizza box happens to be in your neighborhood.


Libra (September 23-October 22)

A sibling, or someone like a sibling, will be very important to you around this time of the month. This is a good time to work on strengthening your relationship with them, and since this is also a good time for you to travel, maybe try a short road trip or weekend getaway with them. You may not be able to smoke hash in the mountains of Sagada, but you can surely buy some good bud and make your own adventure somewhere nearby.


Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

Surprise! You may have some unexpected money coming your way around the full moon, and since this is the last full moon of the year to affect your finances, you should take advantage of this windfall. Try to parlay it into something more lasting and impactful. If that doesn’t work out, then just go invest in a new weed venture like the rolluhbowl bong.


Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

This full moon is about to bring a large dose of creativity into your life, so use that to finish up a project that has been lingering. This project has the potential to influence your love life and give you an extra dash of affection, so be sure to give it your heart and soul. If the planets aren’t quite giving you the inspiration you need, try a few tasty edibles to help you along your way.


Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

If you’ve been on a bumpy road with a particular relationship lately, expect things to start evening out this weekend. Your relationships, in general, should be pretty smooth and easy going over the next few weeks. Be sure to enjoy this time of tranquility with the people in your life. This could also be a great time to make new smoking buddies.


Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

 If you have the opportunity to travel or be extra social this weekend, you should take it. A conversation that happens over the next week will have great influence over the coming months, so be sure to expose yourself to as many people as you can this week (but keep your pants on). Being generous and offering up a dab hit is definitely a great way to get a conversation started.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

Something in your life may take a turn for the secretive or unknown soon. This is a good time to really focus on your instincts to decide just how far you should go to have that secret revealed to you. Be careful, because the decision you make this week could have great influence on your life. Try clearing your head with some weed and yoga or meditation before diving right into the issue.

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